The Pursuit of Living Tiny: An Unexpected Story

This tiny home build has been a very fascinating one. When I began, i anticipated it being quite a long journey, but I did not anticipate the key characters that would join, or the plot twists that would transpire just as epically as when Pam falls in love with Jim and then he proposes in a gas station parking lot, because his love his bursting so rapidly through his white Dunder Mifflin shirt and too tight tie, that he absolutely couldn't wait to tell pam he wanted to spend forever with her. When it comes down to this, we don’t plan the way it all works out. Sometimes, it's as epic or as lonely or as inspiring as it just, well, is. The trajectory is one way, but the details are another. And that is fairly frightening, yeah??? I have spent so many hours and days of my life making sure one piece was in place so that the other piece could fall neatly onto the other. Conversely, my life has been a slew of wild mis adventures that have landed me on last minute planes to Brazil or on top of a Volcano while sporting touring skis. The aforementioned balance that I spoke of? Yeah, it’s been a constant battle in my life. And really, with these two narratives in my life- one of chaos and one of consideration- i am never sure what one will show up. Never sure which one I will choose.

In my life, “balance” has been a synonym for “harmony” and lemme tell ya- being in collaboration and love with Zack has been a unique harmony that brings all my pieces of chaos and consideration into a neat package titled “ Shelby.” Not “Planner Shelby Who is Anal About Detail” nor is it “Wild Shelby Who Will Jump Out of A Plane Because Her Bestie Dared Her”. For the first time in my life, my life feels balanced and full of the most beautiful harmony that truly humbles me every day as I trust that life is going to roll on out like a 10 pound bowling ball headed for the grimy bowling alley pins. And if you know me, I absolutely SUCK at bowling. I hate bowling. That goddamn ball always ends up in the gutter and I just cannot win. But y’all, although the ball currently may be slightly wavering, ultimately it is headed straight for the pins, and I have surely found a lucky strike in Zack.

I could ramble on about all the ways Zack loves me with such intensity and thoughtfulness, but that would be a little much. Like the time he picked me my favorite flowers while he was on a bike ride and used his muddy water bottle for a vase until he arrived in front of me with a bottle full of windblown poppies and a ginormous grin. He legit gave up the sustenance of water on a long ride in order to bring me flowers. Oh! Or the multitude of times he fills up my water bottle (if you know me, you know how important my bottle is) without me asking. How he sends me words of affirmation and encouragement every morning so that I wake up knowing how capable I am and how I should always lead with kindness. I digress. Sorry, I said I wouldn't do that, but I JUST CAN'T HELP IT. When all of that is stripped down, I see this: Zack enables me to be the truest version of myself due to all the phenomenal ways he supports, cares, empowers, and loves me. He claps for the parts of me that no one else does. He brings me unfathomable joy. He believes in me with such fervor and dreams alongside me.

Speaking of coming alongside me in my dreams…Let’s talk about our tiny house.

Zack and I have pondered how to share about the tiny house + our relationship while also not over sharing and keeping it between us. Like, how do we balance the sacredness of this project and our relationship while also communicating enough so that people do not have the opportunity to make assumptions or draw their own conclusions? How do we explain something like “love” or “building a house together right after you meet someone” when in reality, you can't adequately explain it and people will continue to think you’re an idiot?

Mostly, I was worried that people would view Zack as the infamous male character in the stories that comes in and saves the damsel in distress (me) from her wild ambitions (building a house by myself). And all of a sudden, they are in love and he’s the hero who gets the credit. I was also worried I would start to view him like that. Which could become quite problematic for our relationship. I didn't desire to look at my partner as my personal hero, but rather my partner. My partner in building. In life. In the glamorous projects, in making dinner on Tuesdays, and in sickness (like when he got pneumonia and was so sick and when I had a treacherous ear infection and he put my drops in all the time). In literally everything. In reality, Zack is so incredibly uplifting and believes in me so DAMN MUCH it is truly astounding. When I was getting down on myself one day, because I wasn't feeling super capable in my ability, he ever -so-gently said, “Babe, you're so capable, you just have dreams that are bigger than two hands.” So um yeah uh huh I think “dreams bigger than two hands” is a perfect way to explain this build and a perfect way to view Z’s heart in the matter.

Zack and I initially met on the premise that I had questions about construction. As soon as I met him for a beer, I knew he was going to add a ginormous plot twist in my life. While quite tipsy, I called my best friend (who didn't answer) and left her a voicemail that went something like “So yeah my date with Zack was really great and I really like him and we will probably get married but idk yet because we just went on one date so who knows.” So we didn't even make it to tiny home talk for a couple months- I was very hesitant to bring the tiny house into the equation because well, that would just really complicate things. Especially if things went south between Z and I. As I have wrote previously, Zack was incredibly respectful of the house and was careful with overstepping boundaries of assisting. In summary, we decided that if we were going to pursue a committed relationship with each other, he would help with the house. If we were not, he wouldn't help. All in all, it didn't take long to choose to pursue a relationship and continue to learn how to love each other better. It slowly, yet quickly, became “our home” and we started using that sweet and scary verbiage. My dream became our dream. My future became our future. My house became our house. And within that, I felt my heart expand in a miraculous way that I had yet to come close to experiencing. The vulnerability, trust, and genuine love that floats around in our lives has been the most special thing I have ever experienced.

And folks, with that, we have chosen to be partners for life and be married. Which sounds quite silly to type that, because both Zack and I do not intend our marriage to be the start or end of anything. We do not want to wait to get married to fully love each other, nor do we want our wedding to feel like an achievement to be satisfied with. We hope to always be working on our relationship, to be learning how to love each other better and better, to welcome our friends in with joy and acceptance and to not set ourselves apart because we now hold the title of “newly married”. I mean, don’t even get me started on the people who automatically say “welcome to the club!” when one of their friends becomes engaged. I do not believe that marriage is a club for the elite, nor is it a club where outsiders need a welcoming party on Facebook to remind them that NOW they have made it. Can we attempt to change that language to something such as “welcome to some of the best days of your life.” or what about “We are so excited to encourage you in your relationship”. We deeply desire to be intentional in all that we do, every day of our lives. And if we fall short, I ask that you nudge us and say “love more.” Because, really, the world needs it. We all need it.

Speaking of intentionality, our process of engagement was one that was carefully thought through and processed with loads of conversation. We made every decision together, even discussing the actual “proposal” itself and what that would look like- even if that meant me deciding that I wanted to be semi surprised. I have said to Z multiple times, that every day for the last few months, he has been proposing to me. In the small yet large ways he loves me, in planning out our home, in suggesting we read a book on love + marriage (like this one), in our vulnerable conversations, in choosing me everyday. He “officially” proposed at the top of the Snorting Elk Bowl at Crystal Mountain while we were skiing this past weekend. If you know us, you know that we absolutely love skiing and being outside. He took off his goggles and I thought he was maneuvering around the traverse so he could go pee, but instead he waved me over, gave me a kiss, and asked if I’ll marry him. I joked that he waited until then to do it, because he had to make sure I could keep up on skis before he was willing to commit, since it was our first time skiing together (Other than straight down Mount Hood). He pulled the ring out of his tattered wallet, slid it on my shaky and cold finger, and we jolted down the bowl with grins on our face. The new, yet old, ring on my finger does not validate our relationship, but it does give meaning to our commitment. I look at it everyday and am reminded of the love that flows within us, between us, and around us. When I look at the gold leaves, I think of the John Muir quote: “Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul alike.”. While I believe Muir was talking about the power of nature on an individual, I think of this line out of The Yosemite and relate it to our relationship. My partnership with Zack is both holy and a hell of a lot of fun, sustaining and also stunning.

I also remember my granny, Dana Jean, who was the original wearer of the ring. Her and my grandpa designed the ring together and had an inspiring marriage + life that I hope to emulate. She was a fiery and intelligent woman who was a model of feminism and compassion as she advocated for women and children, particularly from minority groups in the Ojai Valley. She passed away two years ago, and coincidentally, we’re having our wedding the day after the anniversary of her passing. (You can read more about her, here)

We are elated and expectant as we continue into this special commitment. We are also overwhelmed with the love, happiness, and support we have received from our family and friends. Our community, our people, our cheerleaders. It is truly amazing how many people we have in our lives that love us deeply!! One of the best parts of this whole marriage thing, is that we get to merge our friends and family together in a chaotic and lovely way. Zack's friends become my friends and my friends become his friends annnnnd you get the point. It’s so rad.

There was not a definitive moment that I knew I loved Zack. Rather, it was a collection of moments that I fell in love with who he is. It began with his ability to talk so deeply and powerfully about religion and philosophy over a cup of Olympia Coffee at 7am, That time he suggested we pick up hitch hikers on the WA coast, even though we had never done such a thing, When we watched a thunderstorm with ice cream in hand the day I got home from Nepal, It's the way he dreams so big and beautifully, when he climbed up a volcano with me and slept in parking lots before our adventures, every time he listens to people he loves with patience, kindness, and compassion. Zack is truly the most remarkable human being. I am SO PUMPED to be his ski buddy for life, to be his partner through it all, and to continue building our life, and home, together while falling deeper in love.

Now, it’s time to finish this house!!!

Quick update:

We just finished plumbing, and are working on the electrical plan. After we hard wire everything, we will put up siding, and then start doing the interior work. Aka the fun stuff and where my hands will be very very busy. Hoping for completion in a few months, but the holidays always result in crazy business. Also, skiing. Main goal at this moment is to finish by next summer, before we get married. Woo woo!