Redefining "Wife Material"

I make a darn good apple pie.

Now, now. This isn’t me being cocky… (Well, maybe). But, duhhh!!! I'm certain I make a darn good apple pie, because I have been told this over the resounding tune of “Wiiife material!", over and over again…. And I smirk.. But that smirk turns into a wince, and that wince turns into lots of thought and thoughts turn into this.

“Wife material” That seemingly frustrating tune that gets announced from the next room, while I dish out more pie to everyone sitting around my kitchen table, indulging in the steaming delicacy I just pulled out of the oven. But sadly, this tune isn't just familiar whenever I construct a pie.

Its the tune that is announced when I deep clean the kitchen and put an extravagant meal on the table.

The tune that is announced when I throw together a sandwich on a whim.

The tune that is announced when I make a darn good apple pie.

The tune that affirms all my “domestic” qualities of being a homemaker, great baker, and ultimately, a wife.

What would the world be like if we affirmed other “wife qualities” that women possess? Because trust me, y’all, there is so much to being a wife other than being the next Betty Crocker. Although, I hear she was pretty great and I really, honestly, wish I could cook like her... Anyway, I digress. Let's imagine this: What if we affirmed qualities in someone without assuming their highest calling in life is becoming a wife? Because that may not be for everyone. And perhaps I'm the first to ever mention to you that I think that's totally okay.

Will you be yelling “wiiiife material” when I stand in front of the House of Representatives, testifying for a bill? Or will you call me too dominant and assertive?

Will you be yelling “wife material” when I summit a mountain at 14,411 feet high, or does that not highlight my feminine qualities?

Will you be yelling “wife material” when I travel around the world alone, hoping country to country, or will I be too free spirited to ever be a wife?

This is my point: The only time I have been told that I am wife material from a man is when I am in the house. Frankly, to me, that is disturbing and really frustrating. Am I working diligently towards a Bachelor's degree (and potentially a Masters) for nothin’? I mean reallllly. I challenge qualities such as patience, tenacity, courage, faith, diligence, and empathy to be highlighted and honored over the domestic duties that can be completed with flour coated hands.

Let me clarify, though. Domestic duties are not always as evil as I may paint them to be. Have you skimmed your eyes across Proverbs 31? Maybe you have memorized every verse? Proverbs 31 outlines the “virtuous woman” one that is more precious than jewels. Some women genuinely feel called and compelled to serve their homes, husbands, and children in utmost diligence. Some women strive to be the woman who “rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household” (31:15). And oh yes, I do believe that to be a beautiful act of service to a family. But is that the only way to serve our households and to serve others? My favorite chunk of Proverbs 31 is the ending verse that sums it up so well in my eyes “Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.” In simple terms, all these assets that women carry around will fade, they will not matter! However, I believe what truly matters (and the bible tells me sooo) is my view of God- one of respect and reverence, one that shapes my life and leads me to love and serve others so hard, with or without an apple pie on the table.

Regardless, brothers and sisters, I believe the beauty of scripture is that it is for all of us. Women and men. The bakers and the shopkeepers. The wife who bakes and the wife who bargains. As Sarah Bessey so eloquently writes, "Women are also called to put on the armour of God, to be strong and courageous and to love one another, putting each other first in all ways. Those directions, ideas, values and ways we are called to bring the Kingdom of God are for women and men. When we hyper-focus on one aspect, we're missing the whole story of what it means to live out personhood."

Can we just let that sink in for a minute? Or for eternity?

As The Dutch philosopher Baruch Spinoza theorized, people inherently believe what they are told until they are told something on the contrary. So with this framework, I question what I have believed for so long. What qualities of mine are being affirmed? What traits are being pushed to the side by the master narrative?

I'll admit- I am constantly impressed with the way our world is progressing towards freedom from oppression for women and minorities, all over the world. In my quaint hometown of Olympia, Wa and in the disheveled slums in India. Malala Yousafzai, a young pakistani girl who defied the norm and demanded that girls receive an education as well as their male counterparts. Amelia Earhart, the first female pilot to fly across the Atlantic Ocean. Sheryl Sandberg, an author and COO of Facebook who is fighting gender equality in the workplace.

However, it is simultaneously frightening that oppression still exists in such an enormous scary, and hurtful form. I fear for the young girls across the globe who dream of a life lived so free and so uniquely theirs. But these girls may be oppressed in their culture by the intrinsic and large narrative that is whispering: you are not worthy in society, you are not equal. Their highest position in their one precious life may becoming a wife and filling a domestic role for the remaining days of their beloved life. But God calls them strong and courageous, brave and mighty.

So let me lead you back to my original point, and yes, with the understanding that “wife material” is subjective. When I pull all the fine pieces together of what I believe it truly means to be of “wife material”, I most certainly do not envision a darn-good-hot-n-steamy apple pie sitting atop a bare kitchen table, waiting to be devoured by the onlookers.

I picture this: A table full of patience and love, a bowl filled to the brim of empathy, a plate that holds the powerful women who fight for justice and peace, the single mamas who tirelessly provide for their family, chairs filled with unfailing grace and forgiveness, bowls of laughter and joy, the capable women who believe in freedom and who have unmatched integrity, annnnd maybe, just maybe, a slice of some apple pie.