India // 2 days left

My first full day in solitude. The rest of the gals in our program are going to Jaipur, a city about 5 hours away.

Yet again, it was difficult to sleep. Already missing Annie and contemplating what I must do with all this alone time that has been handed over to me unexpectedly.

I made my last walk to work this morning. I made it slow, and made it sweet. I smiled at everyone I passed, and said 'namaste' to all the door guards watching the gates of houses in our neighborhoods. You're usually not supposed to be overly friendly, for the indians take that as flirting.

[For example… On wednesday, while in our rickshaw, I smiled at two boy on a motorcycles and they circled back to wave at us. Multiple times. They even hopped of their bike and tried to pass through traffic while holding up their cell phone. I think they wanted my number. Talk about being pursued! Creepily pursued, that is…]

I saw our waiter urinating on the side of the rode again and resisted scowling at him. That was tough. I took photos along the way and embraced every ounce of the daily walk. My sweet friend Stefanie tweeted me this quote today "Take as many pictures as you can. You'll only regret the ones you don't take" So, so true. I snapped away, almost carelessly, but I want to hold these memories with me forever.

When I told the students it was my last day, they frowned at me, and I frowned back and replied "you can visit me in America!"

Wishful thinking? Maybe not. I handed out slips of paper with my name, address, phone number, and email just in case they ever make it back here. I would love to re connect with every one of them. Plenty of hugs were given, and another piece of my heart broke off. I hate the feeling that I am leaving them, but I am soon filled up again with the thought that I may be leaving them, but I have given them with knowledge, and they have provided me with grace and abundant love.

The second session was the hardest. The little girls giggled as soon as we made eye contact. They tapped my arm and said "Shelby ma'am! We have something for you!!" They handed me a little sack made out of newspaper, and instructed me to open it. A pair of hot pink earrings with a dangly bow! Not something a would normally wear.. but I did not hesitate to put them through my ear lobes and wear them proudly. They told me I was 'so pretty' and I told them I loved them. I teared up. They have known me for 2 weeks, and they spent their hard earned rupees on ME. Just some white american teacher who came to teach them english for a short period of time. Just like I have invested my time and love into them, they have invested the same exact thing in me. I feel like a goddess. They stroke my long hair, twirl my new earring, tell me I am beautiful, and love on me until I suggest starting a lesson. After our very short lesson (how can one teach not heir last day?!) I asked Antu, the coordinator, if I could have permission to take the 3 little ladies out for ice cream, to celebrate Padmini's birthday which is on the 23rd. She shook her head and told me it wasn't safe. WHAT. you must be kidding me.. our plans of ice cream have dated back to the past week when we suggested celebrating our time together. NOT SAFE? no way.. we are in India for crying out loud. The look on the girls' face was saddening. They have been looking forward to this ice cream trip for a week, and I had to tell them we couldn't go..I was SO looking forward to spending another bit of precious time with the little learners.

Instead of going to ice cream, I stayed a bit longer and gave one too many hugs and kisses on the cheek and soaked in the last few memories that we were making. I Already miss them as I wrote this. But yet again, I gave them my address and email so they could write to me, and vise versa. I plan on printing loads of photos that I took and sending them to the center, to be displayed on the walls for them to remember our moments together. They ask me "Shelby ma'am, will you be back in 2014 to visit us?" I can only hope, but until then I suppose I will have 11 new pen pals to keep in touch with, and keep my hands busy writing them letters from my home in America.

The children have taught me more than I could ever teach them, and I am so incredibly thankful for that. I despise the feeling of saying goodbye, especially to children.

Although, I the words in this quote ring true:

“I do not say goodbye. I believe that's one of the bullshitiest words ever invented. It's not like you're given the choice to say bad-bye, or awful-bye, or couldn't-care-less-about-you-bye. Every time you leave, it's supposed to be a good one.” - John Green

Yes! It IS supposed to be a good one, despite the circumstance that surround my farewell. I may never see these children again, or I may never receive a letter back from them, but during this conflicting moment, I must choose whether to be joyful about leaving and saying adieu to these precious faces- OR, I can be bitter and frustrated. I think they would rather remember my smiling face as I squeeze them tight and I say 'Namaste' one last time.

Namaste is a simple greeting, but the true meaning is so lovely. One simple "definition" says

"I honor the place in you

where the entire universe resides.

I honor the place in you

of love, of light, of truth, of peace.

I honor that place in you where,

if you are in that place in you,

And I am in that place in me,

we are one"

It says I recognize your struggles and triumphs, I recognize your beliefs and dreams.

When you put one hand the the other (1 hand signifying yourself and the other the one you are greeting) you bow, which literally means "I bow to you, and honor you"

I believe everyone should start Namaste-ing. How fulfilling would life be if everyone recognized these small things in each of us?

Friday evening consisted of another slow walk back to the house, this time less joyful, but filled with sadness that it was my last day with the kiddos. A piece of me was missing as I stepped out of that building. I ate a quiet dinner and had a quiet evening. Which was unique! Looking forward to Saturday, for I will explore Delhi a little bit, as well as spend the night in a 4 star hotel! eekkk eeeek! So thrilled to experience constant A/C. Such a luxury that I am oh so grateful for during this trip.

For now, I better get some rest so I can have a bit of energy as I venture out and sight see!

So who ever is reading this, Namaste from India!